Letter from Charlotte Cushman to Emma Crow Cushman, July 27, 1860

Cushman discusses the consulship matter for Ned and in how far it is the right time to interfere. She tells Emma that she is trying to convince Wayman Crow that Ned will inherit a fortune, which makes him a better catch for Emma. Both want to advance Edwin's business skills and relationships. Wayman Crow also relies on Harriet Hosmer's judgment of Ned to consider a marriage between Emma Crow and Ned.
Cushman touches upon the delicate matter of jealousy and her relationship with Emma Stebbins: "if the truth may be told she does not like me to to love you too much. she is very very dependent on your darling. & if she thought or dreamed how I love you. it would go near to kill her I believe. This makes me very very unhappy at times. & I wonder whether I ought not to school myself to live without such love. But ah how hard it would be now. now that I have lasted the sweets of such communion as is given[?] to few to know."
Cushman particularly remembers her last night in Paris with Emma.

Credit

Library of Congress, Charlotte Cushman Papers, Manuscript Division, Library of Congress, Washington, D.C. 

[176] Sweetheart darling.

Your love note in Ned's reached me safely. You are dear & good to send me a love word when you were so hurried & I appreciate it at its true value. just one word to say you love me is always sufficient for me when you are occupied & unable to fulfill your other duties of correspondence I am glad you saw my brother. he would have been pleased that you gave him the opportunity & the messages you conveyed to me from him were very acceptable to me. How hard you must have worked darling mine to get through Inland[?] in the time you did. I am glad you were resting a bit in London. before you started for Paris. Your father sent me a letter fom Newport on Feby 21"—telling me he learned from Mary's letter that you were doing so and your mother was so desirous that you should remain in Paris long enough to give orders[?] for you outfits. before going into Switzerland

[176 reverse] your father seemed to be a little struck with the idea of you wanting more money. & really it does seem fearful the amount of money you have spent. ah, darling I am afraid of your future money spending you wont [sic] have so much to spend. Ned seems more & more determined on the idea of going into business here. He says if I could by management get him the consulship. in four years [sic] time he would have to begin to leave business & he should not have the same inducement then. To exert himself as he has now. and be four years older as a beginner. again if he were to try to educate himself for government employ. the incoming administration might turn him out. & he being older w^d have less energy to begin to learn. all these argeements [sic] are so good that I cannot contradict them. & I feel that his future so depends on exertion now. that I am forced to admit that the 600 dollars a

[177] year which the consulship yields would be but a drop on the bucket. No darling he must have the hope of winning you as an incentive to exertion. & my sweet darling & I must wait. until the days are brighter for one union. But sweet, it shall come. I love you dearly, fondly. passionately and you must come to me. even though the day be postponed. for you are my hearts [sic] core. The light of my eyes. & I shall never have a peaceful whole home without you. Meanwhile—we will both learn a lesson of patience which shall be good for the little ones which God may send us. & my darling will get rid of that +++ restlessness. which I find to be so common among the young girls of this country & makes me anxious for your physical well being. Kiss me & love me my sweet pet for you are mine as I am yours. are we not one in our desires & wishes. our hope & our determinations! and perhaps in +++ +++ if your father suffers you to

[177 reverse] be engaged to Ned. he may possibly suffer you to come & pay me a winters [sic] visit if he thinks Ned not sufficiently advanced in business to marry! At all events we will hope this & if Ned thinks he cannot hope to marry you until he is in partnership some where. he will try all the harder. & this will be his salvation. I confess to you I am very fearful that there will be a hard time for your father in it. but if he thinks you wont [sic] ask to marry until Ned is in business. he may be more patient. & meanwhile Ned will be getting his probation. I have told your father my wishes with regard to Ned in business. I have let him see what my property is & how it will be disposed of when I am under the sod. for I have taken his advice with regard to the making of my will & &. so he knows what Neds [sic] expectations may be! He

[178] was very kind to Ned when he saw him & Ned was very nice & gentlemanly to your father. next week we go to Newport & Hattie[?] will be there. so your father will see how she regards him & get an opportunity of judging of him before you come. & I dont [sic] want anything said to your father for some time yet. for reasons which I shall give you when I see you. ah, happy thought that I shall be seeing you soon. I hope to get our White Mountain trip before you come & then get back to Newport for a little so as to see you before you go west again. Your father tells me your mother wants you in Newport a little while after you come back before he takes you home. He has been offered a seat in the State Senate of Miss. for next winter. but he said to me. Miss Cushman. my girls will

[178 reverse] be at home together for the first time almost since they have been young ladies in society. & I cannot think of leaving them even for the good of my state. So darling see how he loves you!— Sallie asks me to ask you to please go into some ironmongers shop—on iron shop in Paris & bring for her what they call an Egg iron—for ironing the insides of sleeves. it is on a stick which is put into a hole of a stand. The iron itself is about as big as a ducks [sic] egg. you ought to have one for yourself it irons muslin sleeves so beautifully. it is shaped something thus [drawing inserted] my efforts at high art may amuse you—oh darling we are in such a lovely  place here. what would I not give to have you by my side. Great big trees surround the house. a hammock is stretched from one to the other & there we might swing all day long. Ned will perhaps have told you that your aunt Emma has

[179] been suffering from another fearful abscess in her face which has kept her confined to her bed since last Saturday night in the greatest torture. last night she it [inserted] was lanced & found such relief to day she has had leeches on. & is quite exhausted & weak. poor darling she suffers so much. she sends you her kind love. & will be glad to see you again although. if the truth may be told she does not like me to love you too much. she is very very dependent on your darling. & if she thought or dreamed how I love you. it would go near to kill her I believe. This makes me very very unhappy at times. & I wonder whether I ought not to school myself to live without such love. But ah how hard it would be now. now that I have tasted the sweets of such communion as is given[?] to few to know. my darling love

[179 reverse] do you remember our last night in Paris. ah what delirium is in the memory & how every nerve in me thrills[?] as I look back & feel you in my arms held to my heart so closely. so entirely mine in every sense as I was yours. ah it is very sweet. very precious. full full of extasy [sic]. my birth day passed dear one—without any one but Sallie remembering it.  wish me happy returns. aunt Emma was too ill & Ned too careless. God bless you my own love. I hope you are having a happy pleasant time in Switzerland happier I know it is from the thought that you are nearing me. & that early September will bring you to my arms again. Kiss me & love me. Kindest love to Miss Whitewell & Mary. Ever your devoted fondly loving

Ladie.