Letter from Charlotte Cushman to Emma Crow Cushman, Sep 30, 1869

Cushman is feeling really weak and has to be held up by Emma Stebbins and her nurse while dressing. Yet she is thankful to be out of bed and hopes to gain more strength. 

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[1184] "My first letter"
My darling. This is my second day of "sitting up". a gloomy day outside. a strong +++ must have fallen all the day. & it is so thick outside that we can only see the trees on the pavement opposite. flap about in the wind — all else of heaven is like milky water, but still it is so much better than my bedroom. That I thankfully came out. to day about a quarter of one hour Earlier than yesterday. and tomorrow I hope earlier than to day. I am so weak. That I am really to cry at every straw in my way. but I am so anxious to get strength that I will get the change from one room to another if only in the hope that it will +++ it to me — all parts of one +++ seem stronger than

[1184 reverse] my legs. upon which I cannot stand. I have no more power in them than if I was paralyzed. after I am dressed. sitting on the side of the bed. I am stood up to have my clothes pulled down & nurse & Aunt Em have to hold me up bodily & put me down in the chair in the same way. my legs have no sustaining power! Oh. darling I am so thankful to be out of bed. Aunt Em. has had to have +++ from D^r Arkin [?]. Her nerves [?] seem to have been over strained. & now have given way. for she seems to have no power to controul [sic] them. poor dear soul it makes me so unhappy to think

[1185] that this has been on my +++. but +++ says she will soon be right. — My good nurse goes to day & I am very dull & sad thereat. but it is best so. She will come in & see me. every day. about my time of getting up — I wanted to write to you to day +++ Aunt Em. who +++ you my dear love. let me do so. I continue to have good night Thank God! ah. how sweet it was to get your dear letter with accounts of your arrival & the welcome of the dear ones. I was so happy while I read your letter. Dear, dear children I am so glad you find them all improved. Your dis-

[1185 reverse] - +++ of them made me [?] so happy
Kiss them all a thousand times. bless Carlino. & his dear little remembrance of you. ah the darlings how I love them. nothing new, precious. I must +++ I am very tired. aunt Em & sally send dear love. to you & the children. +++ desires to be remembered. I have not seen Sir James again. God bless you. kind love to dear D^r Sully
Ever ever & ever your fondly loving
Auntie.