Letter from Charlotte Cushman to Emma Crow, June 30, [1858]
Dublin Core
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Library of Congress, Charlotte Cushman Papers, Manuscript Division, Library of Congress, Washington, D.C.Creator
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Text
[68]
My sweet one. I felt so sure of seeing you here that I hardly realized my parting with you at Pittsfield[?]. and even though I recd a letter from your father saying he could not bring you to New York I had such faith in your power of persuasion & your fathers [sic] love of indulging you. that when a knock came at my door on Tuesday morning at 7 o'clock. I called to my maid to open the door for Miss Crow! It was my mother just returned from Magaia[?]! At 9 I recd Miss Minsters[?] card. My heart sank tho[?] faith runs deep for I felt if you had come I should have had you in my arms before any card could have been sent. I was just heart sick. & was able to tell Miss Minster[?] then - & your father
[68 reverse] when I saw him at dinner That I could not have had so large a disappointment in America! & I am sure he saw that I spoke from my heart for he regretted that he had not brought you. It appears, my sweet darling, that the matter was debated between your Mother & Father — the former deciding that Miss Cushman would be engaged from 10 to 2 at rehearsal & from 7 to 11 at the Theatre in the evening - Thus Emma would be a great deal by herself in a great hotel which was not desirable. But answered I, "Emma knew that my mother & sister were here, who would have taken good care of her." "I did not know that," replied the good father[,"] or she should have come!["] So darling if you had asked a reason for this decision, you would most likely have been able to get away to your loving
[69] friend, who bitterly regrets missing you! Had I not have believed I should have seen you here, I would not have acted on Monday & Tuesday of next week & so would have come to you. I love you my own darling — dearly fondly truly & ever shall do so. You shall come to me at some time — if my will can accomplish. I will forget any thing. Every thing you wish forgotten. I will do any thing everything you wish for I do love you very earnestly & sincerely perhaps too much. You shall keep the +++ +++ & no one shall know it. No you did not talk mindfully[?] to me but like a darling as you are write to me all, every thing you will & your letter shall be destroyed as soon as I have mastered the contents. but it will be of good to you to have a loving heart to confide which you can [last three words inserted] all your feelings. your desires, your
[69 verso] wishes your hopes, your dreams. Write to me freely, without fear. My letters are quite safe from observation & you may make all your confessions frankly to me. Therefore write to me as much as often as you will. Ah your love falls on grateful[?] ground & shall bring fresh fruit. My darling! I should make you more sad, if I were to tell you of my disappointment - Therefore I will only say I am deeply grieved[?] & there the matter must rest, we cannot help ourselves. I talked to your father much of you & told him he did not realize the strength of your character or feeling He met that by saying he did not find you persistent or as giving yourself a purpose in life. I asked what purpose oh, she might purpose to improve herself by reading steadily - or teaching her little brother - not that I ask this - but I
[70] should be glad to see the purpose, and a steady perseverance in carrying it out. However - I did not purpose writing this to you & I must wait to do so more clearly only my darling must try to make a purpose for herself & this may perhaps bring her more surely to me, next year! At all events which you are in this country. I am not quite whole any where else, & if the mountain will not come to Mahomet - Mahomet will go to the mountain! I leave you now for I must go out & write amid the distraction inevitable upon my situation with my own & my mothers [sic!] & sisters [sic!] visitors - but my heart & thoughts are with you my sweet darling & I would that my poor body could bear them company. I will write one sighed word of good bye. before I sail. +++ how hard
[70 reverse] it is not to have said it upon your lips you would have heard fom me before this dear one - but I thought I must send to some particular address in Newport & know not what? Your letter did not reach me until this morning (Wednesday), so post to me early in the day, write to me write to me - every day while I can hear from you & after I am gone write a little every day. & so [inserted] learn[?] to condense your thought. God ever bless you my own dear "little love" & believe me ever in all fondness & devotion
your faithful Ladie love